The Art of Breaking Up

and writing about it

Hello hello!

Summer has always been a transitional time for me. In fact, next month will actually be the first August since 2014 that I won’t be moving to a new address (hello, student life). Even still, this summer feels like a transition. So many of us are planning to go back to our less isolated lives sometime soon (delta variant willing), and there’s a lot of change to negotiate. 

Our pre-covid lives don’t exist anymore; we don’t have something to simply go right back to. At least, I don’t. So many of my favorite community spaces have permanently closed, friends have moved, and time has passed. The best thing I know to do for myself right now is to process this reemergence like a kind of breakup. Only instead of a relationship, I’m grieving the loss of an old life while also looking ahead to the possibilities of the future.

One summer many years ago, I was sitting on my sister’s couch crying about a breakup (honestly I don’t remember with who, but I’m sure my sister does), and she told me something that’s always stuck with me. I was frustrated by how big my feelings were in the context of a breakup that I knew was for the best. She told me that part of what I was feeling was the grief of losing a future I’d thought I would have, and that I deserved and needed time to mourn that. 

I think about that sentiment in every kind of breakup, but also in every kind of shift or disappointment. A big part of the feelings these things bring up, for me at least, is processing that loss of a future I once thought was mine.

Now, I haven’t exactly gone through a breakup every summer (though summer has historically been a pretty good season to dump me for some reason!), but I’m almost always leaving jobs, cities, schools, etc. between May and August. So in that way, I sort of have gone through at least one breakup almost every summer. 

This is all to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about breakups, and specifically breakup art, recently. Chelsee and I talked about our love for break up albums on last week’s episode of The Bi Pod, and Part 2 of my forthcoming poetry collection is comprised almost entirely of breakup poems. Breakups of any kind are messy, and illogical, and often non-linear. While I love a good breakup single, what I love more is a collection, or an album-length work, that gives the creator space to explore all the weird and often conflicting feelings one goes through in a breakup.

When I was putting Part 2 of my book together, I thought a lot about sequence and form. The poems are all about different people and situations; some are inspired by real life and some are not. I put them in a sequence that felt like some kind of story arc, with some detours, backtracks, and excursions along the way. 

What I love about poetry collections is the agency of the poet to decide which poems speak to each other and which ones don’t. I feel the same way about music albums. Albums can tell a story that is as linear or as abstract as the creator wants. Forms like these give us the space to experience something like real life, which is often not linear or logical the way that narrative forms often are.

So, this month I’ve made you a short list of a few of my favorite breakup albums! These are the ones I find myself returning to most often. If I did not include your favorite breakup album, please send it my way! 

If you’re looking for art to help you through this transition into (maybe?) post-covid life, here are some albums I recommend. I’ve made some brief notes about the vibes of each one to aid your decision making process. Enjoy!

Sour - Olivia Rodrigo

It should not be a secret to anyone that I obviously love this album. It’s honest and vulnerable and heartbreaking and encouraging. I also love the material specificity of the lyrics (strawberry ice cream in Malibu, etc.), it keeps the songs grounded and real for me. If you’re looking for dramatic pop, this is it. My favorite songs from this album are “happier” and “deja vu,” because I am a terrible and unhealed person.

Superbloom - Misterwives

This album definitely got me through Season 2 of the pandemic. Superbloom is actually a *divorce* album, and both parties involved are in the band! I cannot fathom the grace, strength, love, and boundaries it took to pull this album off. Superbloom takes us from the crumbling of one relationship, to the lows of grief, to the highs of self discovery, and finally, to new love. I also highly recommend the steamed concert experience (The Livedream), it’s a treat.

After Laughter - Paramore

This album came out in 2017, a year of many transitions for me. Though not every song is explicitly about a breakup, this album is perfect for the slow moments, when you don’t know what to do besides sit in your big feelings and try to be gentle with yourself. Hayley Williams has put out a couple of albums since then with big breakup energy, but this one holds a special place in my heart.

Melodrama - Lorde

Melodrama also came out in 2017, which is great because I needed a lot of break up albums that year! Who wasn’t sobbing in the shower to “Liability” or posting Instagram photos with “bet you’ll rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark” in the summer of 2017? Melodrama is perfect for days when you’re ready to be in a wide range of your feelings. 

Lemonade - Beyonce

To be honest, I don’t usually categorize Lemonade as a breakup album in my own head canon. Actually, my partner and I listen to it at takeoff whenever we fly together (remember those days?). But, when I asked the people of Instagram for their favorite breakup album, this was the most frequently nominated one. Even though the Lemonade storyline didn’t end in a breakup IRL, the album actually does offer all the things I like about breakup art. There are complicated and competing truths, a range of emotions and subjects, and also, it’s Beyonce. I highly recommend the visual album if you somehow have not seen it yet.

Lighter - Donna Missal

I’m a diehard Donna Missal fan. I’ve seen her live three times (and hopefully a fourth time this December), I’ve met her, I have a signed poster of hers in my room. Her second album, Lighter, which came out in July 2020, is an excellent breakup album. The songs tell a story that’s nonlinear, complex, and often brutally honest and vulnerable. There are even songs about friend breakups! I recommend listening in order for the full experience, but my favorites are “Bloom,” “Hurt by You,” and “Let You Let Me Down.”

No matter where you’re at in life, I hope this list is useful for you! If you have any breakup album recommendations of your own, please feel free to drop them in the comments of this post!

As always, thanks for being here! If you know someone who might enjoy this content, please share this post with them!

If you have a paid subscription, I’ll be back in your inbox soon with a new poem and prompt. Maybe it will be a breakup poem? Or a poem about trees? Or both? Or neither? 

I’ll see the rest of you next month!

Best,

Christina